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Donna K. Fitch

Donna K. Fitch

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Dealing with Difficult People: Defining “Difficult”

Ask yourself these questions (from Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg):

  • What just happened? (Observing for clarity)
  • What are the feelings arising in me? (Taking responsibility for emotions without slipping into victimization)
  • What do I need that I'm not receiving? (Identifying your own needs rather than assuming others automatically know what you require)
  • What am I asking for? (Specifically formulate a request)

If a person is unwilling to help you meet your needs and falls into the category of a difficult person, how do you deal with them?

We all have our own definition of a “difficult” person, but here are some key characteristics.

  • Often unsatisfied
  • Don't communicate easily with others
  • Can be argumentative and unreasonable
  • Often use their power to obstruct

A couple of things to remember:

  • No one is the villain in their own story. Few are deliberately trying to be the bad guy.
  • Everyone is making the choices that seem best to them at that moment.

Jesus spoke in the Sermon on the Mount about ways to deal with difficult people:

  • Matthew 5:21-26
  • Matthew 5:38-42
  • Matthew 5:43-48

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